Today you are 4.
I took these photos of you last night...you were catching bugs.
I could write to you tonight and tell you how much I love you...
I could tell you that you mean the world to me...
And I could write about how blessed I feel every morning that I wake up and see your gorgeous face.
But honestly, I am scared.
I keep thinking about how big your getting, how fast your growing.
And I am starting to feel like the easy part of parenthood is over for me.
I did so well as a mommy to a newborn. Its where I shine.
I love the rocking and the feeding...I love the baths and the onsies...
But you are turning into a little lady these days. Your asking questions and your little brain is working so hard.
And I don't have all the answers.
I watch you get your heart broken sometimes when people don't say hi to you or acknowledge you...
And I get so sad every time we have to discipline you.
Most days I want to just keep your precious, fragile soul all to myself. Keep you home, cuddle and watch movies all day.
But I cant.
I am now realizing that sheltering you from pain is not the answer, its showing you how to cope when things hurt.
Just the other night Grace there was a shooting at a movie theatre. Lots of people were hurt and some were killed. It makes me realize how precious our time is here on earth. And I want to be more in the moment with you. I want to learn to number our days...
I am so excited that you have started to wear your hair in a braid, and that you ask me to make you one every morning. Every time we get ready in the morning, I cant help but notice how beautiful you are.
Tonight you did something so cool. Daddy was so excited you took it upon yourself to try and hold your breath under water...
You did it for 10 seconds! I couldn't believe how brave you were and how excited you got!
All of a sudden you have have become so interested in the water, I am actually signing you up for swim lessons this week.
I love to watch you try to use your goggles in the bath. You remind me of that little girl in the movie Mermaids, with Cher.
And the other day, I had so much fun with you. We went for smoothies up at the Quarry Market.
I cant believe I found someone who likes to sit and watch people as much as me. And I am so excited for you and I to hang out more like that.
Truth is, I am scared but I am also excited. I am so excited to see who you are going to be. You have the most beautiful, unique soul and I just pray that you are as much of a blessing to the world as you are to me.
I just want you to know how hard I am trying to do it right with you. You are my first baby and I am not always sure how to be a mommy. I try to do what God says to do and try to be patient and lead you the right way...
My prayer for you this year is that you are less scared of things. I was very scared when I was your age Grace and I still am sometimes...
But you don't have to be.
There is a whole big world out there and you don't ever have to be afraid if you have Jesus with you. He promises to walk every step with you, no matter where you are. And when you make mistakes, he is still there and he still loves you.
You and I have started really praying together. And I can't wait to keep doing that. Its so important to pray.
Lets pray that your fears go away this year.
Thanks for making my days so bright and for making me laugh constantly.
I love you so much...