I am a few days away from turning 30.
I don't think I have ever looked more forward to anything in my life. As I sit here right now typing this, I am just overwhelmed with everything that has led me up to now. I am just in awe that I am still alive. I stare in amazement at the last three decades and wish I would have known some things. But I can now see how every heartbreak, disappointment, tradgedy and failure has led me to the here and now. I can see how all these things were working together to write a beautiful story.
The purpose of this moment right now is for me to put pen to paper and remember this time in my life. Remember what God has revealed to me so that I can move on and be a better me. A better mom. A better wife. A better steward. A better friend. A more generous giver. A better daughter. A better sister. A stronger light. More brave. Less anxious. More joyful. More grateful...
I have learned...
I can do hard things.
I don't have to spend anymore moments with guilt, shame, worry or fear. Life will never be absent of situations that will provoke those feelings but they are just feelings, not truths. I can anticipate moments where I might feel these things and agree to stop dwelling on them. I can live in the truth. Life is not about getting to a place where these feelings dont exist...its about meeting God in these moments and letting Him take them from me.
As a parent, my job is not to raise perfect children and feel guilt over past mistakes with them. I am not here to raise perfect kids, I am here to raise kids who rely on and seek out a perfect God.
I will never be skinny enough or smart enough or strong enough or have enough business sense or be envolved in enough or be pretty enough for anyone here so I might as well stop trying for THAT. Instead, I can chose to rely on the perfect author of my story and live in His mercy and grace in all areas that I might fall short. I can wake up every morning and do what HE asks, not what I believe the world expects from me.
I can practice self discipline and rely on God in the moments when I am tempted. And if I fall, I can get right back up again, and not eat the entire box of cookies.
I can be brave and take risks, even when I feel deeply uncomfortable. If I am in His will, I will never fail, even when the world says I have.
I will try to realize over and over again, with every breath I take, that God is love. He is patiently waiting to turn me, guide me, break me and lead me to the waters of his overflowing love. He wants so badly for me to have a life full of joy and passion and He is busy in every moment orchestrating that joy.
There is nothing I could ever do to make God love me more than He already does, right now.
I can extend the same forgiveness and mercy to those who wrong me, because that same forgiveness and mercy is extended to me everyday.
There is more joy in being a blessing to someone than receiving anything in this world. And all my worldy possesions belong to Him and are for His use. I can let go of things and look to Heaven.
I am forgiven.
I am treasured.
I am loved.
I am adored.
I am blessed.
to the next 30.