I have had several stop in my tracks moments lately where God has just blown me away with his peace. I find myself sometimes so engrossed in a task and then I just have to stop and soak it all in. Soak in him. He whispers to me...he tells me of the plans he has for me. I can actually feel him walking around with me, lifting me up when I'm tired and giving me so much grace when its all just too much.
Funny, my daughter is named Grace and I didn't really even know the meaning of the word until now. And it has been the key to freedom for me. This concept that I will never be good enough or able to do enough or be what everyone needs me to be, without him. And still, I fail at that. Still, I am the apple of his eye. Still, when I yell at my kids or just fall short...he is standing right there waiting for me to just release to him.
And with my art. I just am amazed at his timing and how he has made all this come together for this family. This really is my dream. Working at home and making something with my hands... But the working at home part is the real blessing. Being able to be in front of my children all day and even when I am busy filling boxes or ordering supplies, they are here, in our home. And still being able to be here for my husband when he needs me, it warms my heart, all of it. This really is the definition of having it all to me.
But lately I have been thinking about what exactly this is. Where is this going? I go through it in my head so many times and it still does not compare to what God has in store. My hopes and dreams for my family seem so small compared to what he has already planned. And I just cant help but wonder how much do people miss out on when they don't match their thinking to Gods. I have always been a big dreamer. Someone who has ideas and visions for the future, for prosperity. I have big dreams to help people in big ways... I wonder what would be happening right now if I didn't listen to him 6 months ago when he nudged me to pick up that paint brush. I wonder if this whole thing is a magical part of my sovereign destiny and I maybe would never have experienced Gods best, if I didn't believe he wanted it for me. I am so often brought back to Jeremiah 29:11 where God just simply says...
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
We all know it. We have all heard it. But do we really get it? Its all for him. I stopped dead in my tracks today wiping my sticky counters full of syrup from breakfast and just thought wow, this really is for him. He really did create all of this. He delights in me. He wants me to succeed. He loves me so much that he put these hopes and dreams into my heart even before I was on this earth. He knew what I would struggle with...he knew my rough spots. But he planned a way out. He planned so much love and grace for where I would fail. And I am in awe of him working in my life right now. I am not designed to fail, because I know him. And I trust him. And even if it appears that I fail, it really isn't to him because he uses all of that to build me up for something better.
I don't know if I am meant to just paint flags and Noah's Ark...but I am certainly not going to limit my God. And I am certainly not going to equate financial success as prosperity...because I feel more secure and safe with all the hard lessons I have been taught through him and with his unfailing love than with what could ever be in my bank account. My families needs have grown, and he has given us a way to meet those needs. I am in awe. And I am standing on his promise today...and tomorrow.
If this life is for him, and he takes delight in me and wants to prosper me, I'm sure not going to stop him anymore with any feelings of fear or doubt. My God does not work on our economy or the state of our country. He is much more concerned with how much I believe in him.
Thank God for his promise of prosperity.