Friday, December 9, 2011

Trust in Him.

As a military wife we get very used to those phone calls that last 30 seconds, cut in and out and contain so much important information that sometimes you are left standing there with the phone in hand, shocked. Did he just say what I think he said? What does he mean we have to make a decision which will impact the rest of our lives in 30 seconds?

 Mine happened to come from Afghanistan.

"I am picking orders Texas okay?"

Now in the past with no kids and no mortgage, this question worked for me. It felt like it fit into my lifestyle. We were care free kids with nothing to lose. We also didn't have Jesus.
But now we have a house. Our first house. And in this economy I see people on the news everyday losing those houses. I see people on my street struggling to sell, struggling to fix their roofs. I see for rent signs everywhere.

Immediately the first place we went was fear. And it stayed.

And it consumed me.

It consumed me so much that I had already made up my mind that we would never be able to afford this house and a new one in Texas. We would get a renter but not enough to cover the mortgage . We would be in debt again, and I would be sitting by my front door in Texas rocking back in forth cell phone in hand waiting for a phone call saying, your roof caved in or there was a plumbing problem. Or the house would never get rented and my husband would be in Texas and we would still be here.

A family torn apart by a tough economy.

And then one day a few weeks ago I called a family meeting. And I had paperwork and my husband hates paperwork. I had a list of how much everything would be to make this work and it did not look good. The more I stared at that paper the more worthless it became. We had decided that there was absolutely no way that we would ever make this work ourselves. On paper it looks bad.

We decided that the only way to face this mountain was to led God be in control.
Its easy sometimes to "let God be in control" when we have the ability to make things happen..just a little. But this is a mess.

I remember just taking that piece of paper that I had such a tight grip on and letting go. I remember the tears. I remember the all too familiar feeling of being so overwhelmed and defeated.

At that moment, we made a choice.

To let go, and let God.

We needed a savior. We needed hope. We needed God to make a way where we saw none. I felt a very huge weight lifted off of me that I had never felt before. In all my years of knowing the Lord, I had never made this choice. I had never really 100% down to the very core of everything I am let go. Probably because I had always tried to do things my way, on my own time.
I have been given a lot of Grace in my life because of this. I have learned many lessons. I have suffered many physical and emotional pains that were so very unnecessary.

God has been whispering in my soul everyday " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Why would our God lead us here and turn His back? He wont. He doesn't. I trust Him. That's all He needs from us.

You know you hear scripture when you read the bible, or hear a sermon. But sometimes it doesn't really mean anything to you until you are down in the trenches, in need of a savior. In need of a way out.

That was the first night in our marriage we chose to agree on Him. We chose to just trust Him.
Yesterday our ad went up with no photos. And we got our first call.
We had to say no because she needed the house now but it was like a warm embrace from our father himself. I felt Him smiling down on us saying, " I got this".
" Just trust me".

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